March 31, 2004
"With all my best"
That's my nick for today. And it's especially meant for my good-colleagues-turned-friends - Joyce & Melissa.
If there indeed is a divine force at work, I trust that the reason why I was put to this soon-to-be-former company is so that I can encounter both Joyce and Melissa. In this short little path that I've taken with them, we've groped in the dark, floundered in the dim, and met rude and devious characters with dubious intentions (who tried, in vain, to shed some light). I try not to be sentimental but I must say that the path has been made more bearable and walk-able because of the company that we have for one another. And for that, Thank You.
Hey, girls, I promise I'd drop by some time to check both your sanity level. Must fight for yourself, resist unreasonable requests and attitude from u-know-who and when all else fails, remember this: once a company witch, always a company witch! I'd brew some potions for you girls, meanwhile! Turn them all into wussy toads! hoho!
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 15:57
March 28, 2004
I have an explanation for my state of zombie-ness now. I had a super long Saturday yesterday.
"work"
Work was just *pui*. My idiotic bosses. I find it most amusing that one of them told me I might have to work OT today (Sat). And the way he said it, with a smug. It's amusing. 'Cos he didn't realise that I AM already working OT! Hullo, my appointment contract didn't require me to work on Sat. Fool! But, being the Company Witch that I am, I just looked at him, slightly alarmed (but for different reasons from what he thought) and walked back to my desk. And he kept hovering over me, looking at my computer screen, when I was trying to finish the shit that my boss gave me to do! Couldn't stand it anymore, I stopped what I was doing and looked at him... 'What do you want?' He just shrugged and walked off. I made a slight frown and went back to my work. Manz, Idiot, idiot, idiot!!!
"Zhonghua Secondary School Fair"
My alma mater. *smile* My juniors looked prettier than my generation's. Argh! And my Lit teacher still looked the same as she was since we last finished 'Cry, the beloved country!'. I was a bit touched when I first stepped foot into the school compound - Courteous, Righteous, Edified and Dignified. It's like coming home. sobzz...
"Vampire's abode"
It's all harmless and sweet. And, soooo neat that I was afraid to touch anything or step anywhere unless the vampire herself allowed me. You don't just treat a vampire's house like your own. You don't want to know where you might end up, right? And she has this touch-screen telephone!!! like, soooo cool! quite fun! I wanted to exchange it for anything she might fancy in my comparatively-messy room. But, she said she would only exchange it for my virgin blood. urgh.. how gross is that! (haha, she din say that. she just said, 'it's my Mum's.')
"shopping"
We went shopping, Wenn and Kyn and me. For a little black dress. Kyn asked why. I told her 'cos I'm going into full time seducing, come April. I now feel a bit bad for making her speechless so many times yesterday. But, I wanna stress that Wenn has a part to play in this too. In fact, Kyn invited it herself when she commented on my r.ship with Wenn some time ago (haha, kyn... bleah). I didn't manage to get anything except some disappointment about my lack of endowment. This little black dress from Mphosis I tried, was quite all right, 'cept it made me wish I had a bit more cleavage. Oh well... what I don't have in one area is made up for in another - cute little tummy. Nice.
"Fat Frog"
Again. I made a song dedication. Nuris said she liked my handwriting. 'Very nice leh,' she said. *hugsss n sobzzz* None has ever said my handwriting is nice so openly n so directly before. My Sec Sch Lit teacher (the same one s above) kept having to write "Improve your handwriting" on my Lit papers. Sighz, "Fat Frog", again. Catch me on a night like this. Catch me at a time like this. Come to me. Hold me. And I will succumb to you.
"Pool"
By the time we started playing, it was already 1.30am. And I was getting high. And that's my excuse for playing really really badly. Eug will be most ashamed of me. We had fun, nevertheless. 'Cos there were too many beautiful accidents on the pool table, and a few miracles. How we wished life was like that.
"Wan ton Mee"
heh, heh. We are damn proud of ourselves for getting to the supper place (ner Redhill MRT) from Beach Road, upon some rather fragmented instructions from my Dad.
My Saturday ended at 5.30am, Sunday. Yawnz... but hey, that was great fun! At the expense of a few wrinkles. Let's do it again some time, girls!
Apple>pity you couldn't join us. but, hey, keep in view this Wed's night one oki! hee.. *wink
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 15:41
March 27, 2004
"There's a part of 'do not have' that you bloody don't understand."
Hey folks! I'm in the office again, last Saturday. And, a comparatively meaningful one cos I am in to file my papers n tidy up my stuff properly so as to hand my job over to Joyce next Wed. It's not a lot, cos I do not work a lot here.
Then, one of my boss's lackeys called to look for my CFO. Since my CFO (real impressive guy) doesn't work on Sat, I was supposed to call him and locate him. Fine. But, no one picked up the phone. So, this lackey called back...
Lackey: You don't have his home no.?
moi: No, we don't.
Lackey: You all should have the home numbers of all your staff right? Then, how do you contact each other?
moi: We don't have. We call the handphone number (thought it's quite obvious..?).
Lackey: Can you go and get the home number from his CV?
moi: All our CVs are with the HR Dept in Tuas.
Lackey: Call them and ask!
moi: But they don't work on Saturdays. Our Company doesn't work on Sat (and I'm here as a privilege to you, not your entitlement, u idiot!). Erm, what I can do is, I'd keep trying to call him or send him a message?
Lackey: I already called him for the past hour and he doesn't pick up and I sent him a message too.
(Moi thinks: well done, for someone as intelligent as u!)
moi: OK (so, none of my biz now right?).
Lackey: Can you go and find the home number and call him?
(Moi thinks: which bloody part of 'don't have' do you not understand?)
moi: Sure. I'd try to find out from Melissa and call him.
Yeah, right! Bloody hell I will! I mean, like why bother trying to explain the whole 'We don't have his home number' shit to him? Just sound like you will try your best and then don't answer the phonecalls anymore.
What can you do to me? Sue me? Well, really, my dear, you SHOULD have my number. You don't? Aww... TOO BAD! Have a nice weekend, and watch your blood pressure. *smilezzz*
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 10:46
March 26, 2004
'Tis is gettin spookeey. I dreamt of Desmond again on Wed night. And what do I know, yesterday he sms-ed me. 'Cos he thought he saw me at City Hall MRT. And I was, with Snow.
It sounds like it's no big deal. You dream of someone, and the same someone bumps into you the next day or calls you. Happens often enough. But, no. Not in my case. You see, Desmond and I, we don't really keep in contact. We are on each other's ICQ list. But, I haven't been icqing for a long while. And, basically, we dun even sms each other cos there's hardly any reason to (n if u guyz still remember, if he sms me, it will often be something like asking me if i'm still alive that kinda thing...). I dream of a lot more other people too but this sorta thing has never happened. Like some very old friends never beep me even if I do dream of them.
And as it has happened, everytime I dreamt of him, the next day I would hear of him or something to do with or some news of him will just reach me. And, at the same time, on his side of the world, he will keep seeing my lookalikes. In school, at the bus stop, or something. I know because he will tell me.
I wonder if there's an explanation for this. I vaguely remember that we mentioned something about 'death instinct' during one of my classes in Hons year. Dreams can be pretty scary things eh...
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 09:32
March 25, 2004
"Bad Karma"
One of my bosses is going to have his eyes gouged out when he goes through the halls of Hades.
He barely browsed through the fax that I passed to him from the
Singapore Association of Visually Handicapped before saying, 'What is this? No, this kind of thing I'm not interested.'
It's a telemarketing program to sell this 'Enjoy! Singapore' booklet of offers and one-for-one dining coupons. For every completed sale, the SAVH benefits from it. I looked through the list of their participating outlets and I think it's a meaningful move. Unfortunately, the one sitting inside the opposite office on my right doesn't share my view. And the best thing? I am NOT surprised. AND I am disgusted.
The cost of one booklet is like half of what he would spend on a normal meal at Fullerton Hotel. Oh, yes, that's EXACTLY why he's not interested. Too cheap.
You may wonder why don't I show my support then? I was intending to. But, the cost of one booklet (i.e. half of what my boss will spend on a dressed up meal in FH) is the cost of one week of very sumptuous lunch for me. Hence, I was hesitating. BUT, I have decided to get one for myself now. 'cos I really have no wish to bump into my boss anymore, much much less in Hades.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 16:15
March 23, 2004
I know I'm not answerable to anyone regarding my blog rate (i.e. how regular I blog) and my content. But, still, I gotta admit I would have to do something indigenous like 'copy' and 'paste' for today's posting. It's a mind boggling conversation between Meisen and me over MSN earlier this afternoon. And Meisen would like to thank all the Sociologists (note: capital S) that taught her how to do Sociology (note: not study, but do). It's a censored version of the full length of our chat. Enjoy.
come, ye all faithless says:
welcome to b crappy blog
When the stars go blue says:
so entertaining...
come, ye all faithless says:
*my
When the stars go blue says:
nono its not crappy at all....
its much more productive than reading a bible
come, ye all faithless says:
aiyoh, dun say lidat... hoho
make my day siaaa.
wait a minit.. how did u get to it? frenster?
When the stars go blue says:
hehe yeah
yeah u write well man...
dun ever give me that bullshit that u cant write in english again ok?
come, ye all faithless says:
haha.. nonsense. since when have i ever said that? *crosses fingers.
When the stars go blue says:
nono...save all these....one day if i ever work in publishing (alternative if this sociologist thing doesnt work out)....im gg to publish this n shame sumiko tan
come, ye all faithless says:
i dun write THAT well.. juz that i've been practising a lot in my blog. hee
When the stars go blue says:
nono...i love sacarsm humour....
come, ye all faithless says:
ay, dun lidat lor..
When the stars go blue says:
its so funny....
ur everyday life is entertaining n filled with resistance..heh
come, ye all faithless says:
entertainin i wun say.. but resistance mebe.. i mean, wat else can u do when u are in my situation?hee
When the stars go blue says:
hey it is BECAUSE u are free...thats y ur life is more entertaining...
come, ye all faithless says:
no lah, juz make the best outta a shithole. hee i'm good at stayin positive. that's why u (n charan) haven't been able to depress me
When the stars go blue says:
heh its fun nonetheless....bookmarking it
come, ye all faithless says:
hee.. thank q, meisen.
it's ego-lifting. haah
When the stars go blue says:
good...cos i cant do it all the time...hha
come, ye all faithless says:
haha.. u wun lor...
When the stars go blue says:
hey i had my first date at national lib also
ohhh scary...i see my name on ur blog...
and sociology fucks us up...?? hmmm...did i say that?
come, ye all faithless says:
ya u did!
ya u shld see ur name a few times here n there.. haha
i'm assuming that u dun realy mind seeing ur name in my blog. but tell me if u feel otherwise.
come, ye all faithless says:
cos i've frens who said they rather not
When the stars go blue says:
really? i mean i feature in ur everyday life...then why not?
come, ye all faithless says:
haha.. ego! haah
When the stars go blue says:
didnt say i didnt have one...hahahhaha
ok im a bit crazy today...cos i drank coffee today....
come, ye all faithless says:
i juz wanna make sure u know that i know. haha
When the stars go blue says:
woohoo!!
come, ye all faithless says:
ya i can see...
When the stars go blue says:
yeah listening to js bach while reading ur blog...
ok thats not really cultural capital...but im enjoying it
didnt know u were sooo bothered by the mother tongue issue also
come, ye all faithless says:
i am. still am.
i think the govt is like so screwed up (but wats new?).. cos they kept insisting they are not undermining imptce of CH in sg.
When the stars go blue says:
well by putting out a B-series of C-lang...that already is
come, ye all faithless says:
but the rest of us bai xing here already feel the real effect.
When the stars go blue says:
actually im just wondering if u dun have to pass to get into uni....what is the point of the b-series?
come, ye all faithless says:
i yet to hear any one be thankful for that move. cept mebbe my kids, who dun realli give a damn now anyway
so ostensible, their efforts.
When the stars go blue says:
first question....where was the standard of mandarin in sg?
come, ye all faithless says:
haha
When the stars go blue says:
it was gone when the chinese-educated were marginalised
come, ye all faithless says:
gone ever since LKY came into the pic
haha.. ^5!
When the stars go blue says:
and NTU got anglo-cised...if thats the word
come, ye all faithless says:
ya n my dad often laments that he wld b a lecturer now if not for LKY. haha
i'd go.. 'ya rite..' but in a way, he's right.
When the stars go blue says:
ok see? let me historically deconstruct this...
singapore....there was never a ONE mandarin BEFORE INDEPENDENCE
come, ye all faithless says:
yaya.. do that. i'd copyright it onto my blog. hee
When the stars go blue says:
the chinese migrants here spoke their own languages
which is hokkein, hainanese..watever from where they came from
if u got to china now, its still like that
so mandarin, was NEVER a langauge INHERENT to a chinese culture
n there is NO INHERENT chinese culture
but after independence....with the institutionalization of FORMAL EDUCATION...
we had new categories for everyone n anyone
we had the CIMO
and with the CIMO...we have ENGLISH FIRST, and then MT
and for the chinese, whats MT even if u spoke hokkein at home?
mandarin...?
so if u talk abt the marginalization of mandarin, also talk abt the marginilization of the real MTs...which is now known as 'dialects'
come, ye all faithless says:
man, u sound like my dad... haha..
When the stars go blue says:
taxi drivers are good sociologists
come, ye all faithless says:
can always count on meisen to deconstruct things. hee
nx time anyone asks whh line u are in, u shld juz say, 'deconstruction'
When the stars go blue says:
haha yeah...
well its a racial issue as well....
coming up with a b-series....empowers the chinese once again
i was never that into mandarin....lacking the environment..since my parents are english cum hainanese speakers....
come, ye all faithless says:
ya it is. i read fr papers also that learnin ch for the chinese doesnt make sense anymore. cos of globalized climate. it juz further propagates racism or sthg.
When the stars go blue says:
but i still think any language is worth learning n appreciating
come, ye all faithless says:
n i tot hey, that's quite a valid point. but i guess me, i juz dun like it when pple dun respect lang or culture for what it is.
n links it up with watever economic shit...
When the stars go blue says:
progagates racism of what? chinese?
haha like the venerable tells me....n i tell my students, pragmatism will be the death of us all
come, ye all faithless says:
ya it will.
When the stars go blue says:
but i blame capitalism again....cos its the capitalist logic....
formal rationality
come, ye all faithless says:
ya. i sorta figured that out too.. n got quite disgusted by it.
When the stars go blue says:
i mean u talk abt racism....but within the so called 'chinese' race....there are class differences also
like how many singaporean chinese look down on PRC
and i was at this coffeeshop with my parents the other day, n this PRC lady selling rojak...
she was serving this other table...with tow kays n a bevy of PRC ladies dressed really sexily n all
n those with the tow kays....they were really rude n mean to this nice lady selling rojak
i mean...wtf??
all from PRC....
come, ye all faithless says:
ya..
When the stars go blue says:
all trying to make a living...
whats there to look down on?
but theres class differences
so i mean...yeah chinese....malay...its not an unproblematic whole...
just like my students write abt family...n they write abt women n men so naively....
like there are no differences within women as a group
come, ye all faithless says:
but u can't blame them too.. cos they are products of how many yrs of MOE's naive concepts..
When the stars go blue says:
yeah gotta give it to the PAP...they make my job really really hard
come, ye all faithless says:
i know i ve been a terrible n naive student too.
haah..
When the stars go blue says:
dunno lah....i had the cultural capital to begin with....
always read a lot...and always critical
n ive been always quite the keen observer..so sociology was NEVER that tough for me...
come, ye all faithless says:
ya... in many sense, u ve been luckier than most. but u see, there are many many more who don't see our point even s we discuss tis now
When the stars go blue says:
so studying became doing quite naturally after a while
haha darren once told me, there are those who see n care
n hurt
there are those who see n are lukewarm
n then there are those who dont care to see
come, ye all faithless says:
but among those who hurt, there are those who retreat n there are those who resist, yet there are still those who are hopeful
When the stars go blue says:
resistance is tiring....i do that on a daily basis
sometimes i dunno who am i resisting for....i tell myself for better days ahead...for those who have lives to see the change
but then i also wonder...whats the point?
cos there are always only one or two to pass the beacon too....n how much change can they effect when the dominant hegemony is so pervasive?
come, ye all faithless says:
like u said, there are so many kinds.. n those who care not to see is probi the worst.. but, at the end of the day, sometimes, i think, if they chose ignorance, who are we to refuse them?
When the stars go blue says:
we cant....but its bad faith
come, ye all faithless says:
but, of cos, in whatever ways that we can, we try to at least offer antoher perspective.
When the stars go blue says:
yeah tats what i find in teaching...offering another perspective...
come, ye all faithless says:
end of day, it's ashes to ashes, dust to dust. n que sera sera
When the stars go blue says:
haha need to listen to this song called butterflies n hurricanes
come, ye all faithless says:
juz like the ch teachers.. in wys that they sstill can, they try to impart n excite. but there's a limit to wat they can achieve.
When the stars go blue says:
yepyep in the words of gandalf, all you have to decide is what to do with the time that is placed before u
come, ye all faithless says:
heh heh.. yeah!
When the stars go blue says:
yeah ch teachers are always fighting a losing battle
actually all second lang teachers
come, ye all faithless says:
but i'm inspired by the fact that they are still fighting.
When the stars go blue says:
yep like aragorn said....for frodo. we dun fight for ourselves, but we can give frodo a chance
Then, I had to terminate the chat cos I had to go down to Tuas to visit the site of my Company (just when I'm counting down to leaving it for good).
thanks, meisen! For this lengthy piece of contribution! ^_^
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 17:49
March 22, 2004
As the day draws nearer to 31st March, I begin to wonder, increasingly, if I should really go take up teaching as a career. Everyone I know thinks I should be a teacher, because I look so like a teacher, and some hold great faith in my character and my attributes in being a teacher. I guess I can't really argue with that, even though I, too, feel that my personality often betray my looks. But, let's not go into that.
What really prompted me today, to give this option another serious thought, is the never-seem-to-end debate over the importance of M.T in Singapore and how the goverment is making ostensible efforts at saving the last few graces of M.T in Singapore. Actually, it's only Chinese. I do not think Malay or Tamil is a cause for their worry. Shame on us.
I read (sorry, couldn't resist a topic so close at heart even though every read just effect into more anguish, but there too were occasional uplifting reads) from the Zaobao. One Chinese teacher wrote in to say how chinese teachers have already been fighting a losing battle for the past few years and the recent decision of MOE did their morale no more harm that what was already done. However, as long as there is still a count of students, regardless how miserable, who appreciate the language, chinese teachers are going to stay in their profession and be the phial of Galadriel (my nic today!) in Frodo's dark journey (LOTR fans SHOULD know what I'm talking about).
I'm inspired.
I never thought my Chinese is that fantastic. 'Cos I know of many in the Chinese department (NUS) who double majored in Chinese, i.e. C.Lang (the more technical aspects of the language itself) and C.Studies (meaning inclusive of history and literature). I'm like not quite bad, but not quite good too. I find myself often in this kinda halfway-there situations, by the way.
So, that served to keep me back from being a teacher. I mean, to be honest, some chinese idioms in my kids' textbooks, I had to double confirm what it means before I dare explain. Ya, that's the truth.
Before I digress further... I was really quite inspired by the article. What's holding me back now is the NHB. It's almost like the only place left where I wanna try my hands at. Maybe a few other non profit organizations. But, since they haven't been recruiting and I haven't sent any applications, I'm only left with the NHB thingy as an alternative route. Hence, as I before mentioned, I'm gonna just let nature take its course for these 2 weeks before I reach the point when decisions have to be made.
Just like I was telling Wenn yesterday... I believe that life has something exciting in store for me. Just that it's not time to reveal yet. And when it reveals itself, I'm sure it would be at a right time. Just that now is not.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 14:21
March 21, 2004
"Forgiven and Forgotten'
Desmond icq-ed me to say he'd forgiven and forgotten already. For what? hee.. forgiven and forgotten how I pissed him off some... erm... 2 weeks ago? Ya I did. I was this insensitive, opinionated and (well...) emotionally unbalanced zhabo some 2 weeks back, if you guyz remember. So, I actually did piss him off quite effortlessly. To be specific, just cos I shared some un-requested-for views on religion. hoho...
Anyway, the point is... What the hell? I actually feel better now! I shouldn't have. Because erm, I thought I shrugged it off that he's just being petty and annoying. So, whether or not i've been 'forgiven' should not matter. But it does lah. 'cos believe it or not, I'm scared whenever this man is pissed at me, with or without reason. Don't ask me why. It's either too hard and long to explain, or too shameful to explain.
"A really really good guitarist"
I'm talking about Joe's friend, Han Jin, who performed solo at FF on Friday night. It's always utmost pleasure to see people indulging in their passion. In this case, it's playing guitar and singing. Touching.
And it's especially wonderful to see Joe again. It's been a while since we last met. *smile* ya, it was very good to see him again.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 22:39
Amitabha... goodness begets goodness. The week has passed by without anything more than a loud fart. In fact, it's almost a very memorable week. 'cos my boss finally gave me something to do. Something really really honourable, if I may add. He 'requested' me to zap his antique pocket phone book for him (before the whole thing disintegrates right before his eyes and he suffers from a heart attack). It's an amazing phone book. And while I was zapping it page by page, enlarged, I felt like I was ALREADY working with the National Heritage Board (my next ideal workplace). Hullo, I was handling an antique phone book oki!
"Elections"
This weekend is election weekend. Taiwan, then, Malaysia and I just got back some time ago from an AGM-cum-election-voting at my clan. Jas, Ezl, Eric n me were there. Our job was basically, to add a stroke to form the character, 'Zheng4', on the nominee's column whenever the announcer called out the vote. For those of you who are not familiar with voting-chinese-style, 'zheng4' has 5 strokes. So, essentially, at every additional vote, one stroke is added to form the character. At the end of it all, you just count the number of 'zheng4' that you have x 5 + whatever extra strokes. That's the total count.
I won't be surprised if all 4 of us share the same dream today - being chased by big block characters of 'zheng4'.
As for the Taiwan election, please refer to my fellow blogger,
Snow's blog. He has it summed up prettily. And while you are there, can soak up his Saturday's postings. Brilliant. Hey, ppgmce, I shall have to evaluate your level of intelligence once again. You are improving tremendously. Must be the influence of a nice, lovable, smart, sensible and sweet girl friend of yours...
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 22:21
March 17, 2004
There's the Company Director, and then, Company Secretary, Company Underdog, Company Traitor... it's high time to...
Hail The Company Witch!
First of all, I would like to thank Mel for believing in my capability to brew sarcastic emails as revenge to all those who stepped on her tail. She said because I can write 'well'. I'm sure she meant I can write sarcastically 'well'. Thank you, all the same.
Second, I would like to thank Joyce for appreciating my newly bestowed title and laughing out loud when I self bestowed the title on myself. She just makes me feel so welcomed in my new line of duty. She's always the sweetest around here, even as she begins to show her own wicked side... woo... heh...
Third, I would like to thank my Bblics, Wenn, for expressing immediate approval of my new title. She thinks it's such a sophisticated title for me, totally suits me. She's always so supportive, the Small Sky Shit in a bitch's disguise.
Last but not least, I would like to thank the people who makes The Company Witch who she is today. Those who taught me resilience and/or resistance and gave me the conducive environment to practice in.
Thank you everyone! Thank you! *sobs*
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 14:59
March 16, 2004
For the last time.
If you are a Chinese living in some non-chinese speaking place all your life and you can't tell ni3 (you) from ni2 (mud) or wo3 (me, I) from wo1 (wok, pot), fine.
If you are a Chinese with parents who cannot speak Chinese and none to teach you the language and you only know xie4xie in response to any Mandarin spoken to you, fine.
If you are a Chinese and you are effective in other languages aside from Chinese even though you respect the beauty of all languages, fine.
If you are a Chinese and you only made the effort to learn Chinese properly 'cos you don't wanna embarass yourself when you go talk business in China, fine.
If you are a Chinese and you only made the effort to know the language 'cos you are hooked on some Chinese Drama or F4, or 5566, or 8899 or whatever, fine.
What is really really NOT fine, to me, is that you are Chinese and you despise the language and think it degrades you to have to learn the language.
What is really really NOT fine, to me, is that you are Chinese and you sincerely feel soooo sorry for yourself that you have to learn the language in school just to get the goddamn D7 (or is it C6) to get into Uni.
What is really really NOT fine, to me, is that you tell your child that they have to excel in Chinese if they want to get into that top 10 Secondary Schools, or to make it big in China afterwards. Shallow.
What is really really NOT fine, to me, is that you joke with your friends that you can't utter a proper Mandarin sentence and makes it sound like you are damn proud of it.
What is really really NOT fine, to me, is our government insisting that they are not undermining the importance of Chinese by scraping it as an entry requirement into local universities. Don't they get it? Kind intentions often get abused when it reaches this level.
This is it. I've had enough of this M.T discussion.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 14:42
Back from lunch - 'tis Puay Heng Bak Chor mee @ Far East Sq. Not bad! Kudos Joyce for bringing the few sua kus to explore that part of FE Sq. Today's Shirley's last day with us, as our colleague. I'm sure I am not far from right to say that we've learnt more about our work and the workings of the corporate world from her than any of our bosses. Thanks a great bunch, Shirley da4 mei3 ren2! We'd miss your gancheong-ness here but let's all try to keep in contact oki! And bring with you my best in your new endeavour!
From the papers...10
1. "Singtel Opt-out Scheme"
I was almost becoming one of the many many victims of Singtel if I had not bothered to sms-reply to opt out of this overseas Missed Called Alert service that Singtel so kindly opted me in (and sent a mere sms to inform me to opt out if I don't intend to pay for the service after the trial period). Unethical. Mobile companies nowadays have sooo many kind and convenient services and they actually give you a trial period to be impressed (or not) by the services.
Then, until you get your bills like 2 months later do you realise you are being billed for all these wonderful services that you didn't choose to opt out of. Sure made good use of that 'silence means consent' phrase. You don't make noise, they think you are eternally indebted to them for the provision of their bountiful of add-on services.
2. "NS for women"
This is a pretty interesting piece of news. By 'interesting', I mean that there are many ways of taking this suggestion (by our own female MPs) and many ways of arguing for or against this. It's probably gonna involve things like gender role, gender mystification, feminism, chauvinism, family, economy and work. A good point of view on all these individual topics, you can just do a quick net search.
My POV here is, yes, indeed women ought to be equipped with survival skills in emergency or war time. But, NS for women may not be where we should all be heading towards to learn these. How many men got out of NS thinking that they are now ready to fight in the war? More I know got out thinking NS was a complete waste of time, waste of their youth (tho I often wonder what shit they be getting themselves into if the constituition law didn't throw them all together in the 'brotherhood'). I'm in no position to say if that's true, but hey, if 8 out of 10 of my male friends say that, surely, there's something not quite right in those camps? And do we want to have more people, boys and girls, going NS and ORD-ing, as resentful men and women? I think not.
Yes, equip us with survival skills, indeed. Like how to swim? hullo, there're natural disasters in our homeland ok! There're *gulp* floods!!! I can't swim.
Ok. not funny.
Nursing. One of the MPs mentioned. Ahh, yes... nursing. We should all at least know a bit of emergency first aid. Like... Carnal Pulmonary Resuscitation. No? Oh, CARDIO! See!
Ok. not very funny but, hey, better than the last rite?
I do agree with the rationale behind this NS for women suggestion ok! But, I'm just not sure if NS is the answer or just the placebo. And, hey! Suddenly, we women are the focus of the parliament. low birthrates, high spinster rate, NS for women... wonder what's next? Ban wonderbras! yay! No more push-ups for the Singapore Girl(s)! yay! =P
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 14:00
March 15, 2004
Yay!!! In the midst of typing out the following post, my horrible monday blues have been lifted by my badly-missed friend, Eug. My smart, witty, perceptive and charismatic knight. hehe And we are, finally, going to meet up to catch up on the past ... *gulp* 4 months! Sure it's gonna be a long session, with me doing the bitching half of the time. heh...
'From the papers...9'
I really do not wish to harp on this anymore than I have to, but the more Mr Shanmugaratnam (Acting minister, MOE) airs his opinions on the M.T issue, the more I feel like shouting, 'Just SHUT UP!' (muz be sthg to do with my mood today... shudders)
His self-founded assurance that students will not forsake their M.T now that the M.T grades will not be significant in university entry requirements lies in the fact that China is the next upcoming economic power and land of opportunities. In other words, he's saying that students are going to embrace Chinese because well, China is opening up! WOW!
And I heard that our dear minister knows not his own M.T? No? Oh, I must have heard wrongly.
Anyway, I wanna stress the point again. To learn Chinese or not is definitely a matter of personal choice and to each his own motivation. But, stop thinking that people will embrace the language just cos one country up in the north is opening its doors. Please, for the people of that country, Chinese is their native tongue, for us here, Chinese is our Second language. Try explaining to the students why our M.T is our SECOND language first.
Bai2 chi1. Don't understand? Go learn Chinese!
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 10:41
"An unknown feeling of dread"
I woke up today with a sense of dread for this week, this unknown sense of dread. It's quite unreasonable, considering every week that comes is a week nearer to the end of my meaningless existence working here in Raffles Place. I should be looking forward to each week henceforth. But, this morning, something just didn't feel right.
I'm not the very intuitive kinda person, more the logical and rationale kind. But, some days, I just feel that stepping out of my house is stepping into a world of clawing monsters and hiding Frankensteins. Urgh.
May this be a peaceful week...
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 10:03
March 14, 2004
I'm sorry, dear friends of mine. I totally underestimated the intelligence of y'all.
You guyz actually know who I was referring to when I used 'Dm'. You are all soooo smart~~~ I'm soooo proud of you all! haha... I should have just used the name as it is right? Why bother giving him such a silly point of reference? 'DM' sounds like some cough syrup.
Anyway, he is history. And history is what you learn from but put behind you, and history doesn't repeat itself. I love history, but only because history lets me appreciate the present better.
Next better player please.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:51
March 13, 2004
I just finished an amusing read, "Call the police" on
TODAYonline, a piece about a wandering rabbit in Bishan. Suddenly, I felt inspired to tell everyone who is reading here about my in-house rabbit.
Bei4 zi3 is 8 years old (n his vet was suitably impressed with his longevity) and was initially intended for my elder sis, Janet, as her pet. Janet, in her silly secondary school days, was an unreasonable sexist. She rejected the rabbit once she learnt that he is a 'he-rabbit'. I believe this has something to do with her unworthy bf of that time. What happened then was this poor surrogately-orphaned rabbit was adopted by my younger sis, Jasmine. And since then, the rabbit never turned back, 'cept to leave his cute teeth prints on Janet's ankles when she goes to the toilet (within bei zi's territory).
Bei zi eats well. Cos we are a crazy family. Ferrero Rocher, French Fries, Potato Chips, all sorts of vege, all sorts of fruits (save for durian which will just make him run away in disgust) and some fruit juices.
And the best thing about him? He looks like a long-eared cat when he flops himself down on the floor. He's got this attitude problem too. He doesn't really give the members of our household a shit, cept Jasmine. He sometimes entertain us a bit by posing in very fanciful styles as he rests. But, forget about playing with him when he doesn't quite feel like it. It's his decision to play with us, not ours.
Actually, his attitude is a bit like that big fat orange cat, Garfield. But, his owners definitely has more life than Jon.
Maybe I would try to post a few of bei zi's photos up soon. So, y'all can take a look at him and his attitude.
p.s. his name keeps changing, kudos to moi! So, for now, it's bei4 zi3, meaning bao3bei4 de tu4zi3. ^^
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 12:24
From the papers...8
More encouraging news for the suicidal.
The National Environment Agency (NEA) notes that Singapore has an annual lightning fatality rate of 1.7 per million population. This figure is higher than the US (0.6), UK (0.2), and South Africa (1.5). (Today, 13-03-04)
More reason to live in more fear for the fearful and unfilial (cos our parents always say 'lei2 gong2' will punish the unfilial, right?).
And next time you feel like telling your boss to just 'go and die', there's a more roundabout way of cursing him/her - 'May there be water (in d form of rain n thunderstorm) and light (-ing) wherever you go".
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 10:58
March 12, 2004
My bblics, Wenn, is stationed in Raffles City starting from today, for 3 days, for Asian Money Exhibition. The Co. that she is contributing her priceless capabilities to is the EM of this exhibition. I assumed that she would have the opportunity to meet some interesting and interestingly rich people there. She didn't think so. She said, 'just some traders and mint lor...' Acting like a bimbo (do i have to act? hmm), I told her 'mint' sounds rich. She thought I'm hopeless. Okay. Whatever.
I really don't want to further propagate the growing suspicion that I'm sexually inclined to my own sex, but... Wenn has a way with me. haha... I simply adore and respect her. Not juz for her own lovely attributes n character. but also cos she's been the kind of friend that you think you do not have enuf good karma in your last life to have. but, ahh, whoever's up there is kind.
She puts me in my place when she has to. Like when I go on and on about something that I can't stand or understand or would have done differently, she reminds me to respect differences with juz one concise sentence (which I shall not reveal). And effectively shuts me up (so that she can start bitching about her own.. haha). Most of the time, though, she just listen and offer her version of the bitch.
She keeps quiet when I ask rhetorical questions - which happens often. Now, that's a real conversational skill. Some people just try to answer all your rhetorical questions. Like... 'Why is there no good man around?'
There're so many things I can say about her and our friendship. But, why should I make you all envious?
Many of us stopped using 'best friend' to describe our friends since after PSLE. But, I dare say my bblics is my best friend. And she thinks i'm her soul mate. How Sweeet...
Maybe the next time I shall introduce another of my members in my bitching gang. Stay tuned.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:12
March 11, 2004
"My Tiramisu"
It's the one thing surrounding which PPGMCE (you always forget the 'E', 'E' for Ego, ye!) and me have been smsing each other these 2 days.
He tried my tiramisu before ok, when we were still in Gartner! So, not like he's really really curious how my tiramisu tastes like. I suspect he is just craving for attention. And look who's the victim of his PPGMCE (all adjectives used to describe him most aptly) needs?
Dun believe? I am fulfilling a promise to him by playing all his childish smses here.
PPGMCE: Where is e tiramisu? R ya reaching soon babe?
(me replied by saying there will be no tiramisu for him and that I'm a cruel bitch)
PPGMCE: No one cares 4 me!
(me replied by saying yes we all do. just take a look at how his name n his many nicks keep popping up on our blogs. None other has the privilege.)
PPGMCE: I dun want nicknames! I want tiramisu! N chicken twisties! Food food n more food.
(me replied by asking if he expected me to pacify him now)
PPGMCE: Tut! Tut! I go eat toilet paper now! Ha
Now, is that being childish or is that being childish?
My tiramisu is scoring a bit higher in the alcohol dept this time. haha... cos I poured 2 portions of XO in proportion to 3 portions of Sumatra Coffee. hiakhiak, intoxicate all my colleagues, esp Shirley. But ooh, nice warm fuzzy feeling in this cold rainy weather.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 15:45
I noticed a trend in marketing and promotion gimmicks. Some moisturizer brand is asking you to trade your moisturizer worth a minimum of 20bucks for their new product. Just bring and trade in, get a new moisturizer free! Some facial masque trade-in also. Just bring an old facial masque and you'll get a piece of new facial masque free! And the latest in this trend is one sandwich outlet that I quite like. This happened yesterday afternoon, at Caltex House.
Subway is asking you to exchange any burger for a free subway sandwich worth $5.80. Bring any burger and trade-in, get a sub free!
The end?
While walking back to the office from our lunch at The Concourse, we saw this heap of burgers still in their brown paper bags behind the Subway exchange counter. Could see that they are still intact burgers, uneaten. But, obviously, no one's gonna eat them. And the rows of subs displayed earlier on the counter were all gone. So were the staff.
My query is: Don't they realise how many people, especially children, die from starvation and malnutrition each day in the 3rd World countries?
I'm sure there are better ways to promote your product and not produce such irresponsible wastage.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:31
To kick start today's random postings,
WAY TO GO, SNOW!!! I'm really glad for you and would have shared my tiramisu with u IF only you work somewhere nearer to me. hehe... It's Cruel, but it's TOO BAD! N man, I know you dun wanna eat one lorrrr, you juz relish in my travelling all the way to Boon Lay. Sick.
From the papers...7
15 year old boy bade this crazy world farewell after his teacher found out about his dating his classmate and called his Mum.
Disturbing news. I can't imagine how the teacher would be feeling, how the Mum would be feeling and how the girlfriend in question would be feeling.
My queries are:
1. What's so wrong with loving and dating even if you are a teenager? In fact, teenagers are more bold and expressive in liking (loving) someone. And doesn't that spirit sometimes put us to shame? The rest of us here, who can't even speak properly when in the company of people we hold a torch for, much less profess our devotion.
2. What did the teacher say/do other than what has been reported in the papers? Could the student over-read her concern as reprimand?
3. What makes youngsters and young children these days so easily take to suicide as a solution to their problems? What do they know about this world that makes them so readily able to abandon it?
4. What's wrong with all our efforts to give our children the best of everything? Is the best of everything the least of what they really need?
Comments, anyone? Talk to me. *wink...
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 09:50
March 10, 2004
Super long lunch break. 'Cos I had to go run some errand for my Papa. Mel, Joy and me, we went to The Concourse, a place in which I worked before. Quite a nice place, actually. Though now I don't remember how I spent my lunch hour there since I was working as the only temp staff there. I guess things just didn't register as much then.
I just came back to my little coop in this quiet and cold (the rain is back, deja vu Monday) office. Not from the lunch, but from a little nice chat with Joycelyn, our receptionist.
We were basically chatting about kids. Her kid and my kids*, as well as the upbringing of kids these days. The government is urging us to up the birthrate, giving us all sorts of perks and incentives just so we will find it easier to contribute to the ever-low birthrate of Singapore.
Sigh, how easy is it to give birth! In Chinese, there's this term called 'jiao4 yang3'. Loosely translated, it means to teach/guide and rear/feed. Joycelyn and I, we were both nodding our agreement that giving birth is the easiest procedure to having a child. How easy it is to give birth, but can you feed your child? How easy it is to feed your child, but can you teach and guide your child?
Seriously, the difficult thing about bringing another human being into this beautiful but crazy world is in whether you can give them the environment to see the beauty of this world, equip them so they not only can appreciate but also add to this beauty and not go crazy themselves.
In Chinese ('tis is one of those times that I regret not being able to write in Chinese in Blogger), the question will be how to give a child his/her jiao4 yang3?
*I refer to my tuition students as my kids. 'cos they are kids and having been their tuition teacher cum personal discipline mistress for almost 3 years and going strong still, I like to think I have a part in their character and academic growth. hee
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 16:04
March 08, 2004
SiStAz of D wOrLd, UNITE!
Today's International Women's Day. Hence, the topic. Today, we celebrate the very essense of being a woman.
We celebrate
1. being referred to as the fairer sex, BUT definitely not the weaker.
2. being able to bitch with and about one another and not feel guilty about it.
3. being daughters, then mums, then grandmums.
4. being girlfriends, wives, ex-wives, spinsters (nothing shameful 'bout that, really).
5. being almost always fragile but in truth, having strength of character.
6. having the patience to put with the nonsense of 'men', like menstruation and menopause.
7. having to cry ourselves to sleep over a worthless man but end up leading a better life without him.
8. having to cope with the pressure of 'when are you getting married?' and 'when are you going to have a baby?'
9. having to stand tall even as we felt our world collapsing.
10. having to be a role model to our children.
11. having the chance to bring into world some of the most important people to shape the world we live in.
12. having the unfaltering belief that we, simply, can.
Every woman is beautiful.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 16:30
March 06, 2004
There is one thing that I find really quite out of point and meaningless about some interviews. And I really would like to try any of the below responses at these interview questions.
Interviewer: Tell me(us) something that is interesting about you.
response A: There is nothing about me that is not interesting, and I don't know where to begin telling you. To begin with, such is my attitude. If you are still interested in finding out about me, I don't mind telling you over some coffee. If not, can I at least have my photo back from the application form? No point wasting it. Thank you very much.
response B: There is nothing interesting about me except the fact that I am the kind who will drag myself out of bed this morning to attend an interview which asks me what is interesting about me and then pretend to be really interested in me. Erm, that's quite interesting, don't you think? Thank you.
response C: I am indeed an interesting person. But, wouldn't that make you a very dull person if you are only interested in hearing me say how interesting I am? Where's the fun in that?
response D: There are many things about me that are interesting. But, assuming that you are genuinely interested in me, you would need much more time to verify what I say about myself. And since we don't have much more time, can we go on to the next question?
response E: Well, the term 'interesting' has, since the early days of its being used, undergone massive changes in definitions. It used to only mean 'arousing curosity or concern'. But today, it is also used to describe condescending feelings of amusement, as figures of speech for boredom and even sarcasm. Personally, I believe that it will be more constructive if you could define what does 'interesting' mean to you. Thank you very much.
response F: I'm a Hobbit. *Interviewers look lost* I'm a hobbit and the One Ring was passed down to me by my Great, great grandfather, Frodo. Please don't take it away from me. I can see in your eyes that you want my prrreecciousss... Nooooo.....!!!
response G: I see dead people... (haha.. sudden idea)
There are dozens of ideas I can churn out to respond to this 'interesting' question. But, aiyah... why bother? hee
Will all employers please take note that there is a big difference between the following 2 questions:
1. Tell us something that is interesting about yourself.
2. Tell us why we should employ you.
The first one does not require answers that will be relevant to the position being applied. The second one obviously does.
Duh.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 14:59
March 05, 2004
I was on bus 132, on my way home from Orchard. Frankly, I was suffering from a very severe case of lethargy attack which began in the afternoon, after my late Vongole Pasta lunch.
Two teenagers, obviously an item, sat diagonally in front of me. I wouldn't put their age past 20. I was quite bored and my thoughts were beginning to drift into 'so, why the hell did the chicken cross the road?'
*gigglesss....
me think: where did that come from? (looked around)
Ladies and gentleman, hold your breath. They were like, trying to make out on the bus! Whoa...! I was a bit shocked at first.
Then, shock turned into amazement, then amazement turned to amusement. 'Cos the girl was breaking out in a series of
really really 'interesting' laughter and giggles!
Me think: wow! Orgasm! On the bus! way to go!!!
Tell you, the girl was unbelievable. Oh, of cos the boy must be quite something too eh?
Your friend here, being jolted out of her lethargy, was really really amused. What I really felt like doing at that point in time was to go over, tap them on the shoulder and say either
'Hey, children. You are making me very horny... ooh, baby...'
or
'Mind if I join in?'
I didn't do either cos my dear friends started to distract me from the world-class entertainment (quoted fr Kyn) by sms-ing me, only cos I sms-ed them about it.
How exciting! Youngsters these days are soooo admirable...
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:11
'Love & dating...10'
I once wrote a Chinese piece on what I think of being in love and being in love with the feeling of being in love. Don't quite get it? Read it 2 more times.
Anna just asked me the same question today. She wanted to know if I know and could tell her which category she may fall under. I didn't know I am a prophet to my dear friends till today.
But, for myself, I know. I fall into both (haha, uninformative information). Basically, when I'm telling you with no shame and all pride that 'I'm happy single! Singlehood is goooood~~', you can conclude that I'm in the category of in love with the feeling of being in love. How's that possible? 'Cos you don't have to really be in love or in a r.ship with someone exclusive to have that kind of feeling.
To me, the feeling of being in love probably consists of things like... when you don't feel lonely, you feel respect from others, you have good company, you engage in happy activities and fulfilling conversations, you feel totally at peace with yourself, you feel confident. And all these nice warm feelings do not just come from one person. From different people, you derive the beauty of life and you glow from within. Most of all, you derive a blissful feeling of love by loving yourself. It is the right and only start to the feeling of love.
And when I start going, 'sigh, I need a man. Dear someone, please come and take me away quick from all these confusion!', you can decide that I need to be in love with someone, period. I'm feeling like piece of shit, self-doubts, lethargic, emotional, sentimental, and the like. I seriously need and want someone to piss me off and whom I can piss off and then, make up with. And then pick quarrels with, and then pampered, and then make up with. haha.. that's the sadist state of mind.
I switch between these two categories. but, recently, more and more to one of them. Don't know which one? Give the smarter ones of you out there a clue. My nic today is 'Onto the Stage, Into Nothingness'. quick,
only 3 guesses! haha...
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 16:59
I'm like so proud of Snow. Ye, you heard right. Cos he managed to post a really long Blog yesterday, his first day of work @ NIE. I would have thought he would be too bonked out by all the travelling to form coherent sentences. Surprise, surprise! And ya, he can speak Chinese pretty well too! Shocking! haha
'Hero'
Not Mariah Carey in mind. I suddenly got reminded of this 'Hero' choco cake, small round cake individually sealed, magenta n white packaging, when I was younger, like... when I was in primary school? It cost 30 cents then, didn't it? Quite cool, now that I think of it. Wonder if I may still be able to get it anywhere now.
'Broadway and jazz dance'
I can't make it sia. I pulled some muscle, the back thigh, while trying to just warm up during the dance class yesterday. I feel like an over-stretched chicken. My teacher got me to relax it and ya, it feel better already. But, I think, this is it! I can't do tis sorta dance, really. I love it, but I feel like a frightened flamingo when I try to co-ordinate both arms and legs, esp with the music on. I think this is out. I'd just head back to throwing my hips about on the dance floor once in awhile and risk being crowned Chiong Queen again. Thanks, all you loyal fans. Or I could try Salsa next. uhh... anyone of you guyz interested in that? I need a partner! c'mon!!!
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 16:35
March 04, 2004
Kyn, my super cool n stylo fren, juz posted on
her blog 2 days ago. Coincidentally, we were talking on the same line. And I think she had a really great one, a very sentimental piece. Do check it out, guyz.
Snow> my comrade at work, a really pretty and thoughtful and kind lady, reads your blog too. Kudos to moi. So, I thought I'd just...
"Snow, 'tis is Joyce. Joyce, 'tis is Snow."
And Joy felt happy for you yesterday too. But, she believes you are gay. haha... ok, that was me. not her. bleah~
Swiss Culture
It's this Swiss cuisine restaurant at Suntec City, juz opposite Courts. They serve decent food there and reasonably priced too. The set dinner costs $16++, comes with soup/salad, side dish (I had chicken wings ytday), main course, dessert and a drink. Twice I went there, twice I left the place feeling really stuffed.
I went yesterday with Snow to celebrate the attainment of one more plastic with his constipated photo on it, which he insisted gave him a sense of self worth anyway. I won't contest that.
I went home with a case of indigestion, I couldn't sleep and when I did drift off, I woke up mid of night feeling like my colon just gave up digesting the bratwurst and rosti and this morning, I feel as if my tummy has just stopped functioning and I can't take anymore breakfast. I feel like just pushing the blame on him, but my conscience (ya, i still ve a bit of that left) stopped me. After all, he didn't shove that chicky wing down my throat, neither the brownie with ice cream. tsk.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 09:49
March 03, 2004
Angel - Sarah McLachlan
from Surfacing (1997)
also found on Mirrorball (1999)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
Kudos:
http://www.geocities.com/riddles_and_rhymes/lyrics/angel.html
'tis song reminds me of Joe, and it reminds Joe of his xgf. heh... beautiful song. today, my nic is 'A thousand stars dying'. How's that? Sad and depressing, but romantic and beautiful eh? Jus imagine gazing into the sky, seeing the twinkle of the stars fading into nothingness...
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:43
March 02, 2004
From the papers...6
There's gonna be a change in the entry requirements for local universities. For one thing, Mother tongue is no longer a contributor in terms of points. You just need to pass (which is not a very difficult thing to do, honestly). Well, if you score really well, it would give you an additional edge in competing with those who just scraped through with a C6.
I'm not an educator or a education critic, for that matter. But having grown up in a family where first language is Chinese, written and spoken, and being someone who chose C.Lang as one of my majors in the Uni (thus showing how much I really care and love the language), I feel immense disappointment at the above decision. It's an ugly compromise on the already worryingly low standard of Chinese here in Little Red Dot.
My own tuition kids have already sworn many times that they are going to abolish the learning of mother tongue if they become the education minister one day. Secretly, I am hopeful that they will not go that far. My kids hate Chinese, which is why, btw, it's not an easy task being their Chinese tuition teacher. Often, they asked me in exasperation why they must learn Chinese. Often, I replied in equal exasperation that 'because you are a Chinese'. I don't know how convincing that is. But, I felt it was a right and honest answer.
Without trying to do injustice to other many great languages co-existing with my mother tongue, I feel Chinese is a lovely language. To really begin to understand this, one should first be informed by the history of the language. Chinese characters are iconic images of the things around us. At least, many of them started that way. Then, they evolved and went through various changes, various separations and pairings, various revolutions of different eras to become what they are today. And they are still evolving, as with all languages. Languages are not dead things merely for the use of the masses, ya. Each and every language is very alive. Language shapes our lives, our existence and our understanding of the world. Knowing different languages opens up new worlds, new ways of interpretating this world, adds colour to our living in this world. We have a dialectical relationship, our languages and us.
I'm disappointed that the government is so short sighted this time. A few of the logical assumptions or justifications for this is that
1. students have the freedom to choose what they really want to study and not be hindered from entry into Uni due to a lack of proficiency in mother tongue.
2. students do not have to undergo additional stress if they cannot cope with their mother tongue; and if they can cope really well, they would be rewarded as bonus points will be given.
3. Students who now do well in M.T will be those who really appreciate and love the language, and not cos they are forced to.
Now, my queries:
1. What makes the government think that by giving them more freedom and less stress, more students will learn to love Chinese (I'm more concerned about my M.T) for what it is? Esp since they are already living in a NATO environment for elevating the standard of Chinese?
2. How many of their parents will say, 'You must do well in Chinese 'cos you are a Chinese (goddamnit...)'? You think parents who send their kids to Chinese tuition class are really concerned that they do well in their M.T? Ha! They are only worried Chinese will drag their child's grades to that only fit for EM3! And is there any wonder that they need tuition, since their parents only speak to them in English - the widely perceived more valuable language. Oh, sorry. I forgot a lot of them actually can no longer make coherent sentences in Mandarin themselves.
3. How does the government plan to
still emphasize on the importance of Chinese Language when what they are doing with their action is 'It's ok, we just need you to pass'? Proficiency in Chinese is indeed valuable in the big economic environment, esp since China is the rising economic power now. But, honestly, how many of us seriously give thoughts about making it big in China? Man, just look at how the Chinese nationals are being treated unwelcome-ly and unfairly in our land. And you think we'd appreciate them better in their land? maybe, out of no choice. The importance of mastering Chinese should not be a means to make it big in China. If you ask me why then do we have to equip ourselves with the language, I say what I said to my kids, 'cos you are a Chinese!'
4. Does the government really think that by giving this bit of freedom back to the students (and their parents since they no longer need worry about that A1 in M.T), they will get a more worthy education, pursuing what they really want in their academic paths? How many of those who graduated from Engr or Accountancy hate their own profession and wished too late that they had chosen another path? How many can say they truly enjoyed what they studied or what they are studying in university and that they got an education, not just a robotic absorbing and regurgitating of information? Freedom is not in choosing to 'just pass my M.T', freedom is in not choosing to do a market-able subject just so that I will get a better job easier.
5. How much lower can the morale of Chinese educators get? You think it's easy to explain to the children and the teenagers (and sometimes, their parents too) that in order to develop fully and well-rounded as a student, they got to balance all subjects of their schoolwork well, and not just aim for a pass? The government has already decreed by their action that 'it's ok. you need only to pass'. What else can the M.T educators say?
Now, I'm sure the government didn't make this decision with the intention of undermining the importance of M.T, neither compromising the standard of M.T. But, often, what is intended will not be delivered with the same intent to the masses. We will eat anything you feed to us. Come down and take a look at your confused, disillusioned but ignorant, blindly-chasing people. Get real. Get smart. Please.
For the students: If there are soooo many before you who can be effectively bilingual now (we were growing up in a Chinese environment, we had our own hurdles in picking up English too), is there any other reason you cannot cope with both 'cept the reason that you do not try hard enough? No language is inferior to any other. Only fools believe there is.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:09
Love & dating...9
When you first broke up with your bf/gf, what was the first emotion that you experienced? Was it anguish? Hurt? Disappointment? Pity? Hatred? Happiness? Relief? Or what?
I don't quite remember for my own case, and probably for my own good too. It could have been hurt and disappointment, it could be anguish and hatred. It could even be 'nonchalance', since I honestly have broken up a number of times with the same person. But, let's not go into that.
Thereafter, when every single nerve-wrecking crying spells has left you, and your good sense comes back, what do you still hold for your xbf/xgf? I guess, we always try to move on. Our friends' good counsel. But, to attain the 'I've moved on' belief is such a tricky thing. It dodges you when you try too hard, claims you when you do not try and then, leaves you just when you thought you had it.
I think, it's cos there is this thing called 'regret'. Regret for not being able to hold on, regret for not being more patient, regret for not taking more initiative, regret for not being the person that you are now, regret for not being at the right place at the right time. Regret demands that you stop and ask yourself if you've truly moved on, and if so, how far have you put the past behind you. Regret raises self doubt about what you still hold for your xbf/xgf. Self-defensively, we combat Regret. We combat it by allowing ourselves to think of 'what if's, 'maybe's and living in unlimited possibilities. Nobody likes to live in regret.
Yet, we all have regrets. 'Cos thinking about something alone, feeling regretful about something alone does not mean you will be able to do something to leave Regret behind. Sometimes, we just have to live with Regret. Note: I said live WITH, not live in. The beauty of having regrets is the hope that you will not make the same regret again. But, that doesnt mean you are entitled to absolve from the existing ones.
Such is the thing that has been on my mind the past few days, almost every other idle minute, and definitely before I go to bed.
May you have a life of enough regrets to make you cherish the present better.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 09:48
March 01, 2004
I had such a bizarre day on Friday that I can't begin to tell you all about it. But, there are a few of you out there who has had the good fortune to hear all about it, and found it truly amusing. These 'few of you', don't you guyz just love me for feeding y'all with juicy, dramatic snapshots of my life? I aim to please ye.
On the other hand, it was quite a lovely day. Rather, I had a lovely end to the day. I had a long chat with Dm. I haven't chatted with him for so long. And truth be said, I miss chatting with him. I miss a lot of things about him. I still think about it from time to time, still think of him from time to time. And there're so many questions I want to ask him, so many answers I want from him. But, I know better to try to get them answered.
I learnt a lot of new words from Dm. One of them is a phrase called 'Take a rain check'. I think we took too many rain checks. So many that I don't know if we would ever redeem our rainchecks. But I live in hope. And of course, the words he taught me most about are 'love', 'hurt', 'regret' and then, 'forgiveness'.
It was a totally bizarre day. But it could have been worse-a typically boring day.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 17:23
Love & dating...8
Off the top of my head, I only remember 3 occasions when I experienced immense happiness such that I had little hold on my emotions except to cry.
1. When I made up with my then-bf after a very bad quarrel and a very awful break-up session. It felt speechlessly heavenly just to be back in his arms. I cried for the part of my life called 'love and romance'.
2. When I saw my name in this long list of students who had been offered a place in the Sociology Honours Programme. It felt like a small miracle. I wanted the place so bad, yet I didn't know where I stood in the cohort. And when it finally came, I shouted, I jumped, my Ma came out from the kitchen, stunned and horrified, and I hugged my Ma, I started crying. I cried for a wish came true in that part of my life called 'intellectual-fulfillment'.
3. When my xbf told me that I don't have to be brave in front of him. 'nuf said. I cried, for in that instant, I didn't have to hold back my tears and my pride.
I'm really looking forward to another shot at this kinda happy. But, I am contented for now. 'cos I already felt recharged after the last one.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 16:26